The Last Time

I have a friend who is obsessed with scrapbooking. She is constantly working on scrapbooks for everything her family does; every school event, every trip, every soccer game, every party. She believes it is so important to capture each moment and each memory. It irks her to no end that I literally have thousands of photos of my kids, thanks to a photographer father-in-law, which are just sitting in boxes. Her big beef with me is that I don’t keep track of ‘firsts’. She has scrapbooks for each of her kid’s firsts; the first step, the first tooth, the first day of school, the first goal, and the first time to Disney World. Firsts are great, but have you ever stopped to think about the very last time you did something? Had you’d know it would be your last time, would you have enjoyed it more or paid more attention? Would you have done things a little different? Really lived in that moment? Firsts are great and worthy of celebration. But don’t discount lasts – they are the memories that really stick. Lasts can haunt you, make you feel glorious, or make you cry. Firsts are a one-time deal; it’s the lasts that last.


Do you know the last time you truly forgave someone? I mean really let go of the hurt and anger as if it was never there. You wiped the slate clean and started fresh without prejudice; without regret or condition. Maybe you decided not to forgive someone and held onto the hurt; kept it fresh so it would sting your feelings and poison your thoughts. When was the last time you asked another for forgiveness? When did you realize that you made a mistake and owned up to it? Even when the other person may not have been aware of your bad choice. When was the last time you knew it was your last chance to show the one that hurt you or the one you hurt that you were a person of integrity and honor? When was the last time you knew it was too late to go back and say those most important words – “I’m sorry” or “I forgive you”? A life lived without forgiveness is a life full of regret – whether you are the one who needs forgiveness or whether you are the one who needs to forgive. A hurt like that will last –but only if you let it.

We all remember the first time someone told us they loved us in a romantic way, but when was the last time you told the one you love the most how much you really do love them? Remember when your heart was so full of love that you felt if you didn’t express your emotions right away you knew it would just explode! You felt such a need of urgency to make your feelings known – you didn’t’ care who heard your sincere declaration! Just hearing their voice made you love them more and being away from them was physical agony! You would absentmindedly doodle their name or daydream about moments spent together. When was the last time nothing could wipe the smile from your face, when you hummed to yourself because you were perfectly content with your life; when you looked forward to every day simply because that meant one more day with your true love? The Bible tells us that “love never fails” so why do we let it? Why do we let go; get comfortable; stop trying? A relationship is a job – if you don’t show up and work hard you will not find success. You may even get fired! Taking your lover for granted may lead to the last time they tell you how they feel.

When was the last time you held your baby’s chubby hand? When his fingers would curl around yours and his face was full of comfort and security. Your words could soothe him and make him smile, even though he didn’t understand them. When was the last time your child ran into your arms? She was so happy just at the sight of you. Her little arms wrapped around your neck as you picked her up and held her close. You balanced her on one hip while giving her a kiss on the cheek; smoothing her hair and listening to her sweet voice telling you how much she missed you. “I was gone for two hours” you laughed as you tickled her tummy. When was the last time you felt like you held rock star status in your kid’s eyes? In a flash they grow up, move on. The go from telling everyone “That’s my mom” to being embarrassed at the sight of you. We spend way too much time as parents trying to get to the next step. We can’t wait for them to sleep through the night, to be completely potty trained, to tie their own shoes because we are tired of stooping down twenty times a day. We strive to make them independent as early as possible because we think they need they need to be first; the first to walk, the first to talk, the first to read, the first to write – as if the earlier they achieve these milestones the more successful they will be. But all too soon you realize that instead of rushing to be first, you would give anything to go back and make more of those moments last.

I’ve had a lot of wonderful firsts. Many of them were life changing. All of them memorable. But what has truly made me the person I am are the lasts. I can tell you exactly the last time I decided to hold onto hate and the last time I knew I needed to let it go. I know the exact date of the last time I was positive that I was the last person that my lover would ever need and the last time I knew I would never be able to love anyone without caution ever again. I can tell you that the last time I was sure my parents were perfect and I could never do as good a job as they did and the last time I realized that they were just people trying to do their best - just like me. I can tell you the last words I spoke to someone who spent my entire life loving me without conditions just before she died. So celebrate the firsts but really savor the lasts. And although you don’t get a second chance at a first, sometimes the last time doesn’t have to be the last time. Sometimes the last time can be the start of something. Sometimes a last time is really a first time in disguise.