The Last Time

I have a friend who is obsessed with scrapbooking. She is constantly working on scrapbooks for everything her family does; every school event, every trip, every soccer game, every party. She believes it is so important to capture each moment and each memory. It irks her to no end that I literally have thousands of photos of my kids, thanks to a photographer father-in-law, which are just sitting in boxes. Her big beef with me is that I don’t keep track of ‘firsts’. She has scrapbooks for each of her kid’s firsts; the first step, the first tooth, the first day of school, the first goal, and the first time to Disney World. Firsts are great, but have you ever stopped to think about the very last time you did something? Had you’d know it would be your last time, would you have enjoyed it more or paid more attention? Would you have done things a little different? Really lived in that moment? Firsts are great and worthy of celebration. But don’t discount lasts – they are the memories that really stick. Lasts can haunt you, make you feel glorious, or make you cry. Firsts are a one-time deal; it’s the lasts that last.


Do you know the last time you truly forgave someone? I mean really let go of the hurt and anger as if it was never there. You wiped the slate clean and started fresh without prejudice; without regret or condition. Maybe you decided not to forgive someone and held onto the hurt; kept it fresh so it would sting your feelings and poison your thoughts. When was the last time you asked another for forgiveness? When did you realize that you made a mistake and owned up to it? Even when the other person may not have been aware of your bad choice. When was the last time you knew it was your last chance to show the one that hurt you or the one you hurt that you were a person of integrity and honor? When was the last time you knew it was too late to go back and say those most important words – “I’m sorry” or “I forgive you”? A life lived without forgiveness is a life full of regret – whether you are the one who needs forgiveness or whether you are the one who needs to forgive. A hurt like that will last –but only if you let it.

We all remember the first time someone told us they loved us in a romantic way, but when was the last time you told the one you love the most how much you really do love them? Remember when your heart was so full of love that you felt if you didn’t express your emotions right away you knew it would just explode! You felt such a need of urgency to make your feelings known – you didn’t’ care who heard your sincere declaration! Just hearing their voice made you love them more and being away from them was physical agony! You would absentmindedly doodle their name or daydream about moments spent together. When was the last time nothing could wipe the smile from your face, when you hummed to yourself because you were perfectly content with your life; when you looked forward to every day simply because that meant one more day with your true love? The Bible tells us that “love never fails” so why do we let it? Why do we let go; get comfortable; stop trying? A relationship is a job – if you don’t show up and work hard you will not find success. You may even get fired! Taking your lover for granted may lead to the last time they tell you how they feel.

When was the last time you held your baby’s chubby hand? When his fingers would curl around yours and his face was full of comfort and security. Your words could soothe him and make him smile, even though he didn’t understand them. When was the last time your child ran into your arms? She was so happy just at the sight of you. Her little arms wrapped around your neck as you picked her up and held her close. You balanced her on one hip while giving her a kiss on the cheek; smoothing her hair and listening to her sweet voice telling you how much she missed you. “I was gone for two hours” you laughed as you tickled her tummy. When was the last time you felt like you held rock star status in your kid’s eyes? In a flash they grow up, move on. The go from telling everyone “That’s my mom” to being embarrassed at the sight of you. We spend way too much time as parents trying to get to the next step. We can’t wait for them to sleep through the night, to be completely potty trained, to tie their own shoes because we are tired of stooping down twenty times a day. We strive to make them independent as early as possible because we think they need they need to be first; the first to walk, the first to talk, the first to read, the first to write – as if the earlier they achieve these milestones the more successful they will be. But all too soon you realize that instead of rushing to be first, you would give anything to go back and make more of those moments last.

I’ve had a lot of wonderful firsts. Many of them were life changing. All of them memorable. But what has truly made me the person I am are the lasts. I can tell you exactly the last time I decided to hold onto hate and the last time I knew I needed to let it go. I know the exact date of the last time I was positive that I was the last person that my lover would ever need and the last time I knew I would never be able to love anyone without caution ever again. I can tell you that the last time I was sure my parents were perfect and I could never do as good a job as they did and the last time I realized that they were just people trying to do their best - just like me. I can tell you the last words I spoke to someone who spent my entire life loving me without conditions just before she died. So celebrate the firsts but really savor the lasts. And although you don’t get a second chance at a first, sometimes the last time doesn’t have to be the last time. Sometimes the last time can be the start of something. Sometimes a last time is really a first time in disguise.

Happy New School Year!

Shhh – do you hear what I hear? Are those bells? Why yes – yes they are! They are pealing in the distance; beckoning our kids to join them with their siren song. I’m not about talking sleigh bells. That wonderful sound is the sound of school bells! Their ringing is calling our kids back to class in a most beautiful tone that fills the heart with joy. Yes, it is that time of year again. A most wonderful time of year! After a long, very hot summer it is time again to set that alarm clock, pack lunches, stuff folders into backpacks and start a brand new school year! Wherever you are in the chain of you kids’ education; just starting out, practically a school pro, or been there-done that, the first day of school brings back memories of our past and gives us a chance to create new memories for our kids.


Admit it – you were always excited about the first day of a new school year. Remember how it was impossible to sleep the night before? The older you got, the more your school priorities changed. In elementary school your concerns were mostly about your teacher (Would she be mean or nice?) if you had any former classmates in your new class (Who will I eat lunch with?) and uncertainty about your scholastic abilities (What if everyone knows how to write in cursive but me?). During the turbulent tween years it didn’t matter as much what you knew but who you knew. And clothes started to become a major focus. It was important to look ‘in’ but in an effortless way. Academics were most definitely not cool, so if you made good grades you did whatever you could to hide it from your peers. High school became a major turning point – suddenly everything mattered in every way. The clique you were pigeon-holed into would help shape your personality and become the basis of all memories that would follow. You felt a little more comfortable dressing more to your style – as long as the brands were teen approved. You realized grades and classes not only counted, but they could determine your future. There really isn’t much in adulthood that can recreate that ‘first day of school ‘feeling. If only we would have known then how much we would miss that experience when we were all grown up, maybe we would have cherished it a little bit more.

I’m not sure who is more nervous on the first day of school; the kids or their parents. In this age of constant connection, some parents are filled with terror at the thought of letting their child out of their sight and out of their control for 6 or more hours, 5 days a week. Here’s a little advice from someone who has gone through many first days – let your kid go. They will be okay. They won’t need you. Remember that school is your child’s ‘workplace’ – they don’t go to work with you so you don’t need to go to school with them. Noticing how my kids have progressed through their school careers, not much has changed from the days we were in school. The elementary years are still a wonderful time for learning the building blocks of academics, developing a sense of self and honing social skills. Middle school is rocky – there are so many adult situations tossed out there for our tweens to deal with even though they are technically still a kid. They want to be independent but they still need lots of limits and guidance. High school hasn’t changed either – there are still the same personalities and the same unfair teachers; the same snobby girls and the same ego maniac boys. The cliques, the drama, the fears about the future and the sadness that childhood is at an end are all still waiting for our teens to experience. As a parent, it does no good to let your kids know you understand; that you have walked that mile already. Instead we need to just wait in the wings and know when it is time to step in and help and when it is time to just watch and let them learn. Our school memories are already made – now is their time to craft their own school stories.

Watching our kids hit certain school firsts is a lot like déjà vu. You have already been through it as a child so you understand what your child is feeling but at the same time you are experiencing it as a parent for the first time and understand what your mom and dad must have felt. School days are timeless and fleeting all at once. Your child may not appreciate his experience now, but he too will one day look back and reminisce about his many school firsts. So, ring in this new school season with joy and lots of sharpened pencils. It’s going to be a great new year!

A Must-Do For All Moms - And It's Easier Than Choking Down Broccoli!

As a parent, a mother especially, we have the responsibility of setting an example for our kids – even when we don’t want to. So, yes, we eat the broccoli on our plate even though we think it’s like eating tiny trees. We patiently go over math facts and check homework even when we are so exhausted we think we might collapse. We watch our language when we really want to let the driver who cut us off know where he can go and exactly how he can get there. We do a lot of things that we really don’t want to do simply because we know that we are always under surveillance. Some of the sacrifices mothers have made for their children fill me with awe. But one small, simple act – no - a right, which was fought hard to obtain, is rarely passed on from mother to child. Why that is I have never quite understood. As important as teaching nutrition, education and manners, our kids are missing out on something that could literally change their futures. And we as moms have only ourselves to blame. Women went to jail, suffered humiliation and prejudice and even had their very lives threatened for us to be able to claim this one simple and very American right. So moms – have you shown your children and the rest of the country that you are grateful for the sacrifices of the moms who came before you? When was the last time you exercised your right to vote?


I am not a very political person. I don’t listen to talk radio, read the op-eds in newspapers or magazines or pay attention to the billion political television ads that are rude and annoying. When there was announcement my senior year of high school about signing up for a voter’s registration card I went only because you got out of class to do so. But while I was there, the man that took my form said something to me that really made an impression and made me think about the importance of voting. He was an elderly gentleman, with a VFW hat perched on his balding head. He looked me straight in the eyes and very seriously informed me that by becoming a registered voter I had the right to vote in every election and the responsibility as a citizen to do so, especially as a woman. This was a privilege that many people around the world do not have. Many Americans died in order for me to walk into a polling place and cast my vote without fear. If I were to sign the form to gain a voter’s registration card I was saying that I would not take voting for granted. I signed my form and I have voted in almost every election ever since.

I have noticed in the 23 plus years that I have had the privilege to vote, that I am usually one of the very few, especially during primaries. Most of the time I am the youngest and even though I have gotten older, I still seem to trial my fellow voters by a couple of decades. I usually try to bring at least one of my kids to show them that voting is a big deal and hopefully they will take their right to be heard seriously when it is their time. Before I go, I do a little research on the candidates on independent web sites and look at their voting records. Then I bring my list of the candidates that I want to vote for and let my child help me find the names on the ballot. I tell them why I am voting for the particular person. It is shameful for me to think that the group of moms that were gathered at the bus stop that morning most likely had no idea who was even running to represent them and probably have no idea where they need to go to vote.

So moms (and dads) I challenge you to re-think your duty as an American and vote next Tuesday or whenever your next election is. Whether it’s local or statewide – get to know the people who want to be your voice. Decide on who is the best person that shares your views and values and know exactly why you want to vote for them. Share your thoughts with your kids and ask them their opinion as well. Bring them with you when you vote and explain why it is such an important part of our history and freedoms. Take the time to honor those who literally gave their lives for you to be able to have the right to choose.

The 19th Amendment states “The right of citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex.” Teach your daughters and your sons to not take for granted the privilege that many around the world would die to have. After all, if you can choke broccoli down with a smile on your face, you can most surely show your children (and your spouse and your neighbors) that you are a responsible American willing to set the example for others to follow. Sometimes we have to do things we really don’t want to do. Don’t let voting be one of them.